What To Do When Your Partner Won't Go To Couples Therapy

They Refuse The Help Your Relationship Desperately Needs

You and your partner are struggling. Perhaps your communication sucks. You go in circles about stuff that barely matters all while skimming the surface on the emotional truths that matter the most. So you, being a logical and resourceful human, research local couples therapists and suggest to your partner that you reach out for some support.

Their response? Hell to the no.

Even though I'm a couples therapist and think it's a powerful path for hurting partners, I will be the first to say that therapy is not the only option or the only right option. Many couples do meaningful work on their own. You can each go to individual therapy or do independent reflection that changes the relationship. Or, you can work together on self-help resources that teach you skills and strategies. These are reasonable choices.

But often when you're asking your partner to go to couples therapy, it's because none of the above has worked yet. You have reached the limits of what you can do. You might even be finding that the stuff you try on your own just seems to make the relationship worse. You need actual, professional, individualized help.

And they're saying no, they won't come along for the ride.

So, what do you do when your relationship is hurting, you don't know how to make it better, and your partner is rejecting the only resource in sight? You can't make them go against their will (seriously, don't). But you also don't want to just give up and stop trying to improve the relationship altogether.

Luckily, even though you can't force them through the door, you can help illuminate why they're saying no, support their process toward a possible yes, and clarify your next steps if they continue to refuse to do work to better the relationship.

Let's dive in and get specific about how exactly you can move when your partner is metaphorically shouting "no no no" to your request for couples therapy.