Your Partner Avoids Conflict
Everything YOU Can Do To Bring Them To The Table
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(If you need a little sample first, check out this unpaywalled recent essay to get a flavor of the vibe around here).
So you have a partner who leans a little or a lot conflict avoidant. They would rather live life than verbally process life (their perspective). They would rather stuff their feelings than face them head on (your perspective).
It is just a fact that you can't make them show up and engage wholeheartedly in important dialogue. They are an autonomous being, and if they don't want to talk about something, they have the agency not to (even if doing so sucks for you and the relationship). And of course you might reach a point where a partner's conflict avoidance becomes a deal breaker for you and walk away.
But although you can't make them face hard conversations, you do have a role. You can absolutely increase the likelihood that they'll stick around for conflict instead of running away.
If your response to that is "that sounds like too much work" or "that's not fair" or "I shouldn't have to be thoughtful in how I approach my partner" I'm going to be real with you...this is not the essay for you. This one is for those of you who want to crank all the dials you can to create an environment where your partner might gradually increase their willingness to talk about the tough stuff.
In this essay I'm outlining six specific strategies you can use to show your partner that conflict is not a horror to be avoided at all costs. This one is practical and straight to the point, so let's dive right in!