When (And How) To Process Your Hurt Feelings On Your Own
And When To Ask Your Partner For Care And Repair
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Recently over on Instagram, I was answering a question about how to know when to bring something up with your partner vs. when to let it go. This is a common topic, because for some couples, minor grievances get major air time. It's easy to accidentally cultivate a perfectionistic attitude, where small "infractions" are dissected in exhaustive detail. As you can surely imagine, this tendency fuels conflict.
You might be someone who could benefit from learning how to feel annoyed or slightly hurt and not immediately acting on those feelings. You might want to stretch your threshold for coping without processing.
But it is a bit of a fine line, because hurt feelings can simmer and fester over time, resulting in resentment or sudden explosions when tension boils over.
There are a few areas of discernment at play here. You might wonder...
- when should you try to process independently, without even telling your partner they hurt you?
- how the heck does a person process independently?
- and when (and how) should you loop your partner in for care and repair?
I know for many of you, these questions cut right to the core of the struggles in your relationship, and more broadly, in your own experience of emotion. So without further ado, let's get into it.