Do You Want Repair From Your Partner...Or Agreement?

Learning To Receive Care Without Consensus

I recently wrote a post about what to do when it feels like your partner's requests for repair really just feel like demands for agreement.

Toward the end of the piece, I shared that I'd flip flopped a fair bit on whose perspective to center in the post. I ultimately highlighted what to do if it seems like your partner just wants you to agree with them and won't accept repair without consensus.

But I heard from enough people that they were interested in the other side, so here we go!

Here's the thing. Agreement would pretty much always feel great. If you could write out a script for the perfect repair in almost any situation, part of it would probably be, "You're right, it wasn't okay that I did that. I made a mistake."

You're not immature or wrong for preferring repair that comes with a side of agreement. But repair isn't limited to agreement, and if you can't accept repair without agreement, you'll have a lot of trouble rebounding in the nuanced situations that emerge in a long-term relationship.

How To Cope When Your Partner Can’t Validate Your Emotions

Practical Ways To Show Yourself The Care You Need Validation is a buzz word, that’s often discussed in a very superficial way. For example, to validate you, your partner should say a specific script in response after you share emotions. For example: “That sounds so hard. Of course you’re feeling

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

So let's get into it. We'll explore:

• how to figure out if you want care...or consensus,
• ways to explore why their different perspective feels so threatening,
• and how to stretch your own capacity to receive repair even when your partner doesn't wholeheartedly agree with every thought you think.

Shall we?