My Husband Used To Shut Down During Conflict. He Doesn't Anymore.

So I Interviewed Him About What Changed

I've shared before that my husband used to shut down completely during conflict. Sometimes he would be semi-responsive, giving short answers I knew he didn't mean. Other times, he was totally frozen. And while I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose or to hurt me, it still hurt.

How I Coped When My Partner Completely Shut Down During Conflict

As A Verbal Processor Who Craves Resolution, Not Space When I’m overwhelmed during conflict, I start talking and I don’t stop. I make a bunch of repetitive attempts to fix the situation that predictably just make it worse. My language gets sloppy; I exaggerate, and I gesticulate. I

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

Over the past several years, he's learned how to stop shutting down. Not completely of course, because our tendencies often stick around in a shadowy form. But for the most part, he faces conflict head on with me (and when he starts to shut down, he readily comes back). He has put so much effort and heart into being present for the real, hard conversations of our relationship.

Recently, I "interviewed" him and recorded our conversation to learn more about what changed and how this process has felt for him. In this Love Note, you'll read our full conversation.

This one is intimate and juicy and heartfelt and totally different than usual—I hope you stick around to read it!