When Your Partner Always Thinks The Worst Of You
Dealing With Their Fixed, Harsh Negative Beliefs About You
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What is there to do when your partner's beliefs about you are pervasively negative and (in your perspective) disconnected from reality?
I want to be clear...I don't mean that they give you feedback about how you impact them. I don't mean that you disagree with aspects of how they perceive you. I don't mean that you see yourself in a more positive light, but they have an inconvenient ability to name some of your negative tendencies.
Nope. I mean...what do you do when your partner holds extreme, negative beliefs about who you are as a human being? These beliefs persist across context. They seem to pop up regardless of your actual behavior. Across the board, they just seem to think you are someone you're not.
I'll be real, this situation is complex. It's hard to talk about without context, because in some scenarios, one partner may be in total denial about their unpleasant or unacceptable behavior. You think your partner sees the worst of you...but they are actually just speaking honestly about how you're showing up. And on the other hand, there certainly are situations in which your partner's perspective is the distorted one. Their beliefs about you are, quite honestly, more about them.
In today's Love Note, I'll walk through how to self-assess your own role in this situation and how to develop respectful, protective strategies that keep you protected from projections while also leaving the door open for connection.