Why Your Partner's Bids For Connection Feel Like Control

And How To Get Over Yourself And Actually Support Them

A while back, I posted a video speaking directly to people who dislike it when their partners ask them for specific forms of support.

For example, maybe your partner says, "can you just listen and not give me any advice tonight?" And instead of responding, "sure, honey," you feel pissed. They only want your care if it comes in a perfect script (or that's what it feels like to you).

Or maybe when they say, "I would feel more supported if you validated me, can you tell me that my feelings make sense?" And you're all, "no! Because your feelings don't make sense to me! What, do you want me to lie?"

Unsurprisingly, much of the commentary I got on this video is focused on how much this resistance can suck for a partner to receive. But as much as it sucks, it is a real dynamic, and one that will ease when both people compassionately understand what's really going on beneath the surface.

In today's post, I explore:

• why you might feel like your partner's requests for specific care are actually attempts to control you (going beyond attachment or neurodivergence),
• how you can sidestep your own reaction and actually show up for your partner,
• and when care requests actually are control.