Sneaky Ways You're Avoiding Vulnerability In Your Relationship

Spot The Signs of Subtle Emotional Avoidance

I like talking about my feelings (I became a psychologist for a reason, after all).

It would never have occurred to me that I was not emotionally vulnerable. But over the past years, through personal therapy, couples therapy, and the process of writing my book, I discovered that I was actually very skillfully—sneakily, some might say—avoiding emotional vulnerability. This showed up in my relationship, but it turned out I was doing it everywhere.

I was doing a really great job faking vulnerability. Not on purpose, but because actually experiencing emotion in the presence of my partner (and honestly, even just on my own) was scary AF, and I didn't want to go there. Again, not consciously. Not as part of some plan. I think honestly, I just never learned how.

In my work as a couples therapist, I've realized that subtle emotional avoidance is incredibly common (especially for emotionally-aware, intellectually savvy folks). You can "do emotions" without actually experiencing them. And it might not sound like that big of a deal. But the sneaky emotional avoidance at play is palpable and prevents true connection. It blocks your partner from responding authentically to your emotions, because you're not actually letting them witness them.

Today, I'm diving deep into subtle emotional avoidance. This one is for people who absolutely positively do not think they're emotionally avoidant!

I'll explore:

• what the heck even is emotional avoidance?
• how subtle emotional avoidance impacts you,
• how subtle emotional avoidance impacts your relationship,
• the three most common strategies I see in couples (and myself),
• and the simple ways I actually feel my feelings.

Let's do it.