How To Share Hurt Feelings With Care
Effective Strategies For Communicating Relational Pain
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Your partner did something that did not feel great. Maybe they should have known better, maybe you get why it happened but it still hurt. Whatever the context, you may want to tell them how their actions landed with you. To connect, repair, and receive support.
And listen. People on the internet tell me every day that you shouldn't have to be thoughtful about how you approach your partner when you're hurt. They hurt you? They can deal with your pain, however it comes out. If that's your belief, let's just agree to disagree, and I'll give you a heads' up that this particular Love Note is probably not for you!
Because today, I'm breaking down how to share hurt with care. Not because your partner is a child and can't handle hearing the truth, but because in an adult relationship we use care and consideration even when we're hurt! Because you can always crank up the intensity later but it's hard to turn it back down. Because emotional maturity requires the awareness that every emotion we feel isn't an accurate thermometer of the exact truth in every single situation, so it's wise to go in with respect instead of indignation.
If you want to share your vulnerable emotions with your partner, not to hold them over their heads but to maximize the likelihood that you'll receive the care and connection you need, keep reading.
We're breaking down:
- specific strategies and scripts for sharing your hurt,
- how to go beyond a "soft start up" to prepare your partner for your emotions,
- ideas for what you might need in moments when you're hurting,
- and guidelines for staying grounded in your own emotional experience instead of getting dragged into theirs.
Let's get into it!