What To Do When Your Partner Always Has A Bad Attitude
Living With A Cup-Half-Empty Human
I got this question via DM recently and knew I had to dig in!
The follower wrote:
I’m struggling to really believe it’s ok for my partner to be so constantly negative in attitude. I find it draining when they get so frustrated every time life presents a minor challenge. Perhaps I just need to get better at acknowledging their negative feelings without getting pulled down by it. Or I need to put some boundaries up about when I’m not wanting to hear it?
They wrote this in response to one of my posts about letting your partner have a bad attitude, which is a topic I explore semi-regularly. A lot of folks in this particular community are relationally hypervigilant, which means you might pick up on your partner's negativity at low levels and personalize it. Any grumpiness feels intolerable.
Marina Rosenthal
AND. Some people really do struggle with emotion regulation and are frequently frustrated/grouchy/negative, and this can be difficult to live with as a partner. Both things can also be true—you might be somewhat relationally hypervigilant and also have a partner who trends a bit negative.
So, today, I'm diving into this topic.
We'll discuss:
- how to self-assess whether your partner's attitude is actually a problem,
- ways to support your partner when they're struggling, even if you wish they had a better attitude,
- strategies and scripts to set boundaries for when you don't have capacity for their vibes,
- and a reminder that you can't just make them have a better attitude.