Is It Sketchy To Be Friends With Your Ex?

Navigating Big Feelings About Past Partners

I get questions like the following pretty often:

"My partner is uncomfortable that I'm still friends with old flings—he values clean breaks."

"I hate that my partner is friends with his ex. I get that they were friends before we even met, but I still obsess about what it really means."

"Is it unreasonable to ask my partner to stop talking to their ex? I don't get why they would want to maintain that relationship."

There's a simple answer: people and relationships are different and whatever feels comfortable for you and your partner is great, and you will need to communicate and negotiate to land on something that feels good to everyone involved. Friendship with an ex is not a right/wrong thing. It's not a moral issue, it's a preference of the people involved.

But a problem obviously arises when you and your partner disagree or have different thresholds. Which relationship should be prioritized—the preexisting friendship or the romantic relationship?

Today I'm talking through how to explore your discomfort, figure out what's actually bothering you, and express yourself effectively when it comes to the whole "friends with ex" topic. We'll mostly be talking about this from the standpoint of the person who feels uncomfy with their partner's relationship with their ex, but we'll also address how to demonstrate to your partner that your friendship is really just a friendship.

Let's get right into it!