How To Stop Avoiding Conflict
Show Your Partner (And Yourself) That You'll Show Up, Even When It's Hard
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A lot of people are conflict avoidant. You might be conflict avoidant even if you're comfortable with some forms of confrontation. For example, you might be fine with conflict at work, but in your relationship, no way.
Although avoidance has its place as an short-term coping strategy, it does not produce great long-term results in relationships. It's difficult to resolve disagreements if you chronically avoid talking about the subject of those disagreements or possible solutions to them. It's near-impossible to feel close to someone who responds to disclosures of emotion with silence or distance.
But although it's easy enough to say, "Healthy conflict is a critical part of a healthy relationship. Don't avoid conflict," it's a lot harder to actually stop avoiding conflict. These patterns are often learned at an early age and then rehearsed for decades.
However, you can learn to approach hard conversations with your partner head on. I know this first hand as a couples therapist and also personally; my husband used to be very conflict avoidant and really isn't anymore.
In today's Love Note, I'm breaking down strategies, mindset tweaks, and reality checks to help you:
- stop avoiding conflict
- and start showing up to your relationship and building trust and intimacy with your partner.
Let's dive right in.