How to Read Relationship Advice and Not Lose Your Mind or Enrage Your Partner

All This Help Is Supposed to Be Helping, Right?

In 2021, I started sharing relationship advice online. As a couples therapist and psychologist who works specifically with complex and intense relationships, I saw a gap in resources that were available to help couples in such relationships. There’s so much (great) content for low- to medium-distress couples who are dealing with common relationship problems, but there is a lot less available that speaks specifically to partners who are dealing with more extreme or nuanced difficulties. I was excited to fill the gap.

But, along the way, I’ve realized that what’s going on is actually a bit trickier than just an absence of resources. 

Really well-intentioned helpers like myself enthusiastically provide ideas, frameworks, and feedback. But we don’t always do the best job explaining up front who we’re writing for, how couples can implement the concepts, and when a couple should ditch a tactic because it’s just not a fit for them.

Listen: Instagram isn’t therapy. I know I am doing my best to contextualize my content, and I hope most other creators are doing the same.

But the reality remains that decontextualized relationship advice can hurt instead of helping. 

Keep reading to learn

• why all this out-of-context advice is messing with your head,
• practical strategies for consuming relationship advice responsibly, and
• prompts to reflect on your own use of relationship advice.