Super Specific Strategies For Getting In The Mood

Working With Your Responsive Desire

You've recently realized you currently have a more responsive desire style (this can change across your lifetime and relationship span). You don't just randomly crave sex. You're not walking around thinking, "You know what sounds good? Sex."

But, when you experience sexual stimuli (like talking about sex, watching a sexy scene in a movie, making out, starting to masturbate), you gradually feel desire. And then you're into it!

This is a totally normal, healthy way path to desire, but unfortunately it's at odds with how many people believe desire "should" work. There's a narrative that desire only "counts" if it pops up spontaneously.

Although responsive desire is normal and healthy, it can make the path to intimacy less straightforward, because your body doesn't tell you "hey, let's do sex" at regular intervals. Instead, you'll need to start engaging in some sexual thinking or play and then see if desire emerges.

If you have a more responsive desire style but value sex and want to cultivate a strong, thriving sex life in your relationship, today's Love Note is for you!

I'm writing about:

• getting in touch with whether and why you value sex,
• how you can take responsibility for your own desire,
• extremely practical tips for working with your responsive desire,
• and self-assessment for whether it's responsive desire...or bad sex.