Accountability Without Shame

How I Practice Self-Compassionate Emotional Responsibility

Recently, I shared about how my husband smashed a batch of muffins I was making and then gave a crappy apology. I proceeded to have a pretty intense reaction that I ultimately felt compelled to take accountability for, because regardless of his muffin-smashing antics and lackluster apology, I'm not cool with acting ultra huffy or hostile in our home.

My Husband Destroyed My Muffins

How I’m Working With My Righteousness I was baking muffins for our kids. They were super cute muffins, too, with sprinkles on top. My husband was cleaning and cooking in the kitchen at the same time. He haphazardly threw a sheet pan of broccoli into the oven. Right on top

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

When I wrote the original essay, I predicted (correctly, it turns out) that my choice to focus on my own reaction in this situation would ruffle a few feathers! I addressed this possibility at the end of the piece, writing:

I strongly believe that when we're truly taking accountability with ourselves, it's not out of shame. It's not with an axe to grind or something to prove. It's a softer, gentler energy. No pressure, no push. Just observation.

Today, I want to explore this idea more, because I think the understanding (or lack thereof) of accountability is truly hurting us, both in and out of relationships.

To help you approach accountability in a new way, I'll walk through all your objections to taking me taking accountability when I was the "wronged" party and give you a peek into exactly how I work with myself to that gentle, shame-free kind of accountability I wrote about in my muffingate report.