I Could Get My Own Water, But I Don't Want To

How Small Gestures of Care Transform The Vibe

Recently, while my husband and I were enjoying some precious moments of down time at night, I asked him to get up from the couch and get me a glass of water. We were both equally cozy and tucked. There was no logical reason for him to get me water. I just wanted him to do it. To my delight, he did.

Little gestures of care like this are my favorite. It's not a big deal to get my own water, but nothing makes me feel more loved and cherished than having room to ask for special treatment and receive it.

Years ago, before we had kids, when we had something arduous to face, Z and I used to say to each other, "can I be the baby?" It was short hand for "please let me be the person who does not deal with this hard thing," but it expanded to mean, "can you treat me extra special right now?" Once we had kids, the babies were the babies, so this tradition faded out. As I asked for the water glass, though, that's really what I was saying: "Let me be the baby, just for this moment."

By the way, I don't see gestures of care as gendered. If given the freedom and safety to sink into nurturance, most people love to receive. We don't all feel permission to ask for it or accept it, though.

Later, I reflected on how much a cold glass of water boosted my lovey vibes. Inspired, I pulled together a list of ways to make the process of asking for, receiving, and giving this type of "bonus" care feel good for both parties.

Keep reading for ideas for how to give and get more care.

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