When You Crave More Intimacy Than Your Partner

Coping With A Desire Difference—As The One Who Wants More

Hi loves... it's Dear Dr. Marina Day! Today, I'm answering a question I got in response to my recent Sexual Bridges and Buffers note.

Sexual Bridges and Buffers

How To Find Your Way To Intimacy It’s probably no surprise that the most common sexual challenge couples bring to sessions is low or lack of desire for one or both partners. And I get it! Modern adulthood is not set up to foster desire. There are many stresses and

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

Often, when we talk about discrepancies in sexual desire within relationships, the focus is on the partner with less desire. However, there are two sides to this experience, as this reader explains:

Dear Dr. Marina...It's so tough being the *other* partner–the one who DESPERATELY wants [sex] and is very ready, but continually feels rejected, no matter how many bridges and buffers we try (and we try many.) I think I feel heartbroken that the whole thing seems like an obligation to my partner. I want him to want it, and he says he does, but the energy just isn't there, and then it feels so vulnerable and awful showing up open and engaging when the other seems so disengaged. If you ever feel inspired to write about this, I'd love to read it. Thanks so much. 

Oof, I feel the pain here. When you're in a relationship where sex is part of how you relate to each other, it's beyond natural to, well, want sex! Often sex gets downplayed as a need, but it is truly how many people access emotional connection. And on the physical side alone, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with wanting physical intimacy with your partner. But, more so than any other need in a relationship, both people really do have to be on board for it to be a go. This can leave the person with desire feeling like their ability to get their needs met is completely dependent on their partner's interest.

Positive Communication For Better Sex

Boost The Steam With Warm Words I’ve written before about positive communication (and I will again, because it’s such an underrated communication technique). Today, we’re going to bring the super power of positive communication to your sex life! Positive Communication Can Rebuild Your RelationshipTry Out This Criminally Under-Utilized Technique When

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

In today's post, I'll explore:

• mindset shifts and communication strategies for the higher desire partner,
• practical strategies to manage the desire difference,
• prompts for expansive intimacy with a partner,
• and a pep talk for self-love.