You Don't Actually Want Your Partner To Follow All The "Rules" Of Communication

You Just Want Them To Care—And Act Like It

You want to feel heard by your partner. You want to see and experience tangible evidence that they listen to you, care about you, and are interested in your inner experience. All this is foundational to a healthy relationship.

So, you try to explain to them what you want. You share scripts and guidelines (the kind I share here, for example) for how they could communicate with you so that you actually feel understood.

You say, "If I'm hurt, focus on my feelings, not your explanations."

You say, "You're supposed to use 'I' statements!"

You say, "It's not an apology if you say 'but' after."

They're good rules. I wrote some of them. But I'm here to tell you something.

It's not about the rules. It doesn't actually matter if your partner breaks every single one.

And when you don't understand that it's not about the rules (it's about something else entirely) it's all too easy to get tangled in the threads of those rules and end up knotted in conflict, feeling even more unheard.

Today, I'm exploring what's UNDERNEATH all these rules, scripts, guides, and guidelines. Because the rules themselves? They don't matter all that much. But what's under them matters a whole lot, and we've gotta talk about it.

We'll get into:

• what communication scripts are really about,
• why you can actually break the rules for the right reasons,
• what will sabotage your communication more than anything,
• and how to use communication skills (like the ones I share here) more effectively.

It's juicy, so let's go!