Stop Fighting Late At Night

Even If You Can't Fall Asleep

My husband Z and I had been dating for about a year, and we'd recently moved in together, which brought up new challenges and conflicts. I brought up a hurt feeling, and while he offered a quick "sorry," it wasn't enough. So, I explained myself more. But the more I talked, the less I received.

He went from engaged (though not too talkative) to completely silent. Eventually, after I'd talked myself in circles, increasingly desperate to be understood, he said he wanted to go to bed. And then, he did. I watched him get ready, pull up the covers, and promptly fall asleep. I retreated to the living room crying.

Conflicts like this were rare for us, but when they happened, they felt absolutely awful. It felt particularly unfair that he could easily power down at the end of the night, and I was wrecked.

And although many different changes and skills brought us to the present day, where conflict never elicits this type of anguish, one change on my part drastically improved our conflict and bought us the solid foundation we needed for deeper work.

What change did I make? Going to bed on time, even when conflict was unresolved.

Today, I'm breaking down why this change made such a huge impact on our relationship and how you can steal my strategy, even if the idea of going to bed without resolving a conflict gives you hives.