Sex When Your Body Doesn't "Work" The Way It Used To

Intimacy For The Long Haul

Here's a truth that we don't always want to recognize: your sex life will change over time. Relationships change, desires change, your life context changes.

And even if all else remains constant, one type of change is inevitable. Your body and how it shows up for sex will change. That's a guarantee.

Some changes are aging-related. You get turned on less rapidly. Your body doesn't always show the same physiological signs of arousal that it used to, not in the same way or with the same consistency.

Some changes are temporary. Pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding. PMDD that flares monthly. Fertility treatments. Miscarriages. Injuries. Illness.

Other changes might be long-lasting or permanent. A progressive disability. Chronic illness or chronic pain.

Some of these changes are expected (though that doesn't mean you won't have feelings about them). And others can be sudden or traumatic. It is normal and perfectly okay to grieve the way your body has changed and how those changes impact your sex life. There might be seasons when sex is appropriately the last thing on your mind. And there also might be times when you really struggle with knowing that sex isn't the same as it was and feel loss about the new normal.

But, here's what I want you to know. You can have a fulfilling sex life (if you want one) even when your body changes. Even if you can't do all the things you used to do. Even when you have to reimagine what sex looks like from the ground up.

In today's Love Note, we're getting into this important topic that honestly doesn't get enough airtime. I'm breaking down 8 super specific (ahem, NSFW) mindset shifts and strategies you can use to enjoy sex with the body you have right now. Because yes, your body is going to change, and you may not love all the changes it undergoes, but that does not mean you have to say goodbye to a mutually fulfilling and fun sex life.

This one is juicy and practical, so let's dive in.