Normal Marriage Shit

Some Stuff That Will Happen In Your Regular, Healthy Relationship

Somewhat accidentally, a tenet of my platform has become normalizing real life relationships. Not the highlight reel. The actual life stuff.

It's endlessly funny to me that I catch heat for calling out that humans are annoying and imperfect. Oh well!

In the spirit of easing your fears that you're the only one whose relationship is not picture perfect, today I'm confessing to five less than glamorous things I've experienced in my own marriage.

Let's go!

Here are five things you just might experience in your long-lasting relationship. I know, because I've experienced them in my own (happy, healthy) marriage.

1. Being annoyed about the same thing over and over. There's this idea that, "yes, it's okay for your partner to annoy you, but you should be able to tell them, and they should just stop doing that thing." I'm not saying it's never that simple, but often, it's not that simple. My husband and I annoy each other in the same ways all the time. We may or may not make requests for change. Change may or may not happen. We keep living and loving anyway.
2. Being low level rude to each other. Am I proud of this? No! Do I want us to be snarky, snappy, or standoffish? Not particularly! However, I regret to tell you this is normal marriage shit. People are rude sometimes, you and your spouse included.
3. Wanting the other person to do the hard thing. Although I know we would each do anything for each other if we actually needed to, very often we end up scrabbling over who has to do everyday crap. Who's going to get an already tucked-in kid more water? Not me, sucker! It is normal to not be generous and selfless all day every day.
4. Half listening to each other. Part of long-term relationships is listening to your partner talk about boring stuff. I know we both truly care about each other's thoughts. But I also know we both tune each other out or go through the motions of listening. Luckily, I know I can flag my husband's attention and say, "yo, please actually listen to me," and he will (and I hope the same is true in return).
5. Reverting to old patterns. We've both done a lot of personal work to shift out of unhelpful patterns (like me learning to cool my jets, him learning to show up non-defensively). But we both fall back to the same-old-same-old all the time. The time to correct and get back on track shortens, but the old patterns aren't totally dead.

I hope this list relieves any anxiety that your relationship needs to be perfect. I can assure you that I am in a very happy, healthy, mutually satisfying relationship, and we do this normal marriage shit all the time!

What normal relationship shit shows up for you? And how do you deal when it arises?