Are You Stating Your Needs...Or Controlling Your Partner?

The Shades of Gray Between Healthy Communication And Problematic Control

Recently, I posted about the "sneaky" ways we can exert control over partners. By rigidly insisting that your way of thinking, preferences, and beliefs are correct, you can send the implicit message: "I know the answers. You don't. Adhere now or I'll make your life really unpleasant."

It's all-too easy to unknowingly exert control in your relationship, for a variety of reasons. While control can be coercive and part of an ongoing problematic power dynamic in a relationship, it can also be mundane. Everyone attempts to control their partner at some times and to some extent. But while control is somewhat unavoidable, that doesn't make it optimal.

More complex: control isn't always what it seems. Some partners look controlling, but the behavior actually reflects a lack of consistency and accountability from their partner.

So, today we're digging in.

We'll discuss:

• What even is control?
• What are needs, and how is stating them different than controlling your partner?
• What control ISN'T
• And how to express needs without exerting control

It's a good one, so let's get to it!