My Husband Saw The Pain Beneath My "Dramatic" Behavior

His Observation That Stopped Me In My Tracks

I recently wrote about a conflict between me and my husband in which I felt really disappointed that he hadn't followed through on providing me with affirmation I'd requested.

I Asked My Husband For Extra Affirmation. He Didn’t Follow Through.

How We Navigated A Recent Conflict About Appreciation I’m going to be radically honest. I really like affirmation and appreciation. I enjoy giving to others and get genuine pleasure from meeting the needs of my family. But I am not someone who can do so day in, day out without

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

I mention in my original post about this conflict that I was at one point trying to signal to him that I was NOT OKAY.

Did I say this using words? No I did not. Instead, I tried a variety of incredibly ineffective strategies to get his attention culminating in sitting down at our counter while he was cleaning up and laying my head down on my hands. This is not a typical posture for me, and while I can't say I was consciously thinking, "I'm going to show him just how distressed I am," that's clearly what I was doing.

A week or so later, the conflict was totally resolved (on our own plus therapy), and my husband mentioned he read my Love Note about it and brought up the "head on the counter" move. What he said next stopped me in my tracks.