My Husband Wanted A Hug. I Wanted Some Damn Space.

How We Work Together When We're Stressed And Need Different Things

Let's set the scene. It's the middle of winter break. My kids are so far out of their routine, they have become feral. We're all just getting by.

I slink off to the office to get a bit of writing done. The kids are occupied. And I hear my husband say, "where are you?" to me. I hate to say it, but I tensed right up. "NO" my body silently shouted. "Do not need me right now!"

He found me in my (not too subtle) hiding spot and initiated a hug and a kiss. It turned out, he didn't need me to do anything in particular, he just wanted to be close.

But you know what I wanted? To be alone. To be untouched and unspoken to. To rattle away on my computer in dead silence.

Looking back, this moment could have gone so sideways. I could have shoved my needs to the side and powered through a cozy interaction, internally resenting that I wasn't getting the time I craved. I could have snapped at him that I just needed space, so get off me. He could have gotten hurt when I pulled away.

But none of those things happened. Here's what we did and why it worked.