What Does Healthy Conflict Actually Look Like?

Real Life Examples From A Happily Married Couples Therapist

One of the things I hear most frequently from couples is that they never received good modeling on conflict.

Your Parents Never Taught You How To Fight

But It’s Not Too Late To Learn Now Having worked with high conflict couples for the past decade, I can tell you one thing. Very few partners in more intense relationships can say, “my parents did a phenomenal job showing me healthy conflict.” I’m not interested in shaming or blaming

Love Notes for Real LifeMarina Rosenthal

Many either saw toxic, out-of-control conflict, no conflict whatsoever, or passive-aggressive thinly-veiled conflict throughout their childhoods. No emotionally-regulated grown-ups working through conflict effectively in sight. This is one reason why I always encourage couples to allow their kids to see at least some conflict (with resolution) rather than trying to hide all signs of disagreement.

Although I'm not perfect, I'm truly so proud of the way my husband and I fight. We grew up with very different familial conflict styles, and neither of us wanted to keep doing things the way we were shown.

Today, I'm sharing what conflict looks like in our relationship (after eleven years together and some very solid individual and relational work).