Why You Only Feel Empathy For Your Partner When They Cry

And How To Do Better

Let's see if this sounds familiar. Your partner keeps dropping comments about something that's bugging them in the relationship. And you hear them, you do, but their comments don't feel urgent. You listen without truly ingesting their content.

But then, something tips them over the edge, and suddenly those small comments become big distress. They're crying. They're hurting. You can see it on their face, in their words. Feelings of care rush through you. You lock in and respond to them with empathy and focus.

Later though, they want to know. Why did it have to come to this? Why didn't their comments and remarks register before they were sobbing? Why does it seem like you only care when they cry?

Assuming you're not just a jerk who doesn't care (hi, if you're a jerk who doesn't care, peace out please, this is not your internet home), it might be tricky to understand why the heck you can't give proper care and attention to your partner's feelings till they reach SOS level. Why doesn't their pain land with you till it's a crisis?

Today, I'm diving deep into this topic. I'm not going to tell you that you're a bad person if this is you. Instead, I'm going to help you understand why you struggle to attend to your partner's feelings and support you to start doing better. Because even if you don't mean to tune them out when they're not streaming with tears, this sort of "I'll hear you when you're loud enough" approach will erode intimacy and trust in your relationship (and I know you don't want that).