Dealing With An Intimacy Crash Out

How To Hang In There When Less Affection Is Available In Your Relationship

Recently, my husband and I had the sweetest few weeks we've had in ages. We were straight up romancing each other. It was so freaking fun!

And then... we stabilized back to baseline. Our baseline is completely healthy—warm, affectionate, daily quality time—I am not talking about going from hot to cold. But maybe from a steamy sauna temperature to a pleasant summer day. I felt the drop.

For a couple of days I mourned a little and tried to bring the vibes back. Then, when it still felt...normal...I got annoyed.

"You're not being as nice to me as you were," I said petulantly while we were cuddling on the couch (not my most skillful moment). "I'm being really nice!" he responded. And he was right. He was being really nice. We were watching a movie of my choice and snuggling. But I was also right...something had shifted.

Today, I'm exploring how I support myself when our relationship shifts from a romance season to a maintenance season. Maintenance is inevitable, and it actually helps stabilize your relationship (deep knowledge of how to live at baseline helps you cope and recover when big stressors come your way).

I know maintenance is just fine. And I also felt sad, disappointed, and even slightly angry.

In this Love Note you'll find:

• why the energy shifted,
• what we expect from each other when one person has less affection to offer,
• how I processed the move into maintenance,
• what I did to cope,
• and how I keep my eyes on the big picture of our relationship.

It's a juicy one, let's dive in.