Are You Asking for Too Much Validation...Or Not Enough?

Where TF Is The Bar, Anyway?

I recently got a really thoughtful DM that I'm excited to break down.

I really appreciate your content! And your perspective that our partners should not be treated as validation machines. Do you have advice for people who struggle to discern between whether they are asking too much or whether they are asking for a healthy amount of validation but just aren’t being met? Like, do I feel like my needs aren’t getting met because I’m asking too much? Or are they not getting met because my partner doesn’t have the capacity to validate my feelings?

Because...isn't this the question? Especially for folks recovering from harmful past relationships or family of origin dynamics, it can truly be difficult to tell whether you are hypervigilant and expecting perfection from a partner or failing to stand up for your own basic needs and desires in a relationship. And the distinction matters! Depending on where you fall, you might decide to tolerate moments without validation, ask your partner vigorously and repeatedly to tune in more to what you're feeling, or even end the relationship.

As you might imagine, I have lots of thoughts about this one, so let's jump right on in.

I'll cover:

• what validation even is anyway,
• when (and how much) validation you can expect in a healthy relationship,
• what to do when you're not getting the validation you need,
• why some people struggle to validate others' emotions,
• and how exactly to provide validation if you want to learn!

It's juicy!